Tanisha Gets Married Recap 102: Not the Weave!

Confession: I love Tanisha Thomas. Nope, no need for Clive to see me as a romantic rival—not that there’s anything wrong with that!—but I want to be Tanisha’s best friend. I promise you, Oxygen has not paid me to say this. It’s coming from my own heart. It’s just so refreshing to see a Bad Girl gone good. Well, for the most part… Let’s go on, shall we?

We begin where we left off: Tanisha, Clive, and her family are arguing at the dinner table about the wedding. Tanisha’s mama suggests counseling before they tie the knot. Tanisha pulls Clive away from the table to talk to him one on one. She needs him to love all size 16 of her, no more joking. They both agree that there needs to be a lot more respect on both ends. Clive goes in to shake her hand because that’s what you do to the woman you are about to marry, but Tanisha wants a kiss. So they kiss, and then shake hands. Problem solved!

Since the wedding is just weeks away, Tanisha goes dress shopping with her cousin/maid of honor Arkeen, her party friend Keisha, and the (male) crazy sister she never had, Darnell. Upon arrival at the store, shop owner Donna greets them with champagne. Party time! Tanisha tries on dress after dress, even getting stuck in one (oh honey, I’ve been there) before finally settling on a strapless gown with, get this, pockets for snacks! An ecstatic—and reasonable—Tanisha decides to hold off buying it on the spot. She does want to bring her mother by to check it out, but they need to make it look like it’s completely her mom’s decision, so Donna agrees that she will pretend she has never met Tanisha before.

While pushing the dress issue to the side, Tanisha and Clive visit an audiologist to address Clive’s hearing problem. Turns out he woke up one morning six years ago, completely out of the blue, with significant hearing loss. Tanisha thinks a hearing aid will give him the confidence and direction he needs. After running several tests, the doctor reveals that Clive has 25 to 30% loss in each ear. Tanisha tears up and this is reason #1 why I love her in this episode. All the wedding stuff means nothing compared to Clive getting better. They decide that Clive will get a hearing aid, but Tanisha warns him that it won’t stop her yelling at him.

Now it’s time for Tanisha to return to the dress shop with her mom. On their way, Tanisha learns that her mom had been married before she married Tanisha’s father, which she is just finding out now. And turns out Tanisha’s father was a photographer at her mom’s first wedding! Oh scandal!

At the shop, Donna and Tanisha pretend they’ve never met before. Tanisha again tries on dress after ugly dress so that her mother will like the one she has already selected. When she finally tries it on, her mother says that it looks like a sheet. Now Tanisha is having doubts. Ugh, you’re running out of time Tanisha!

Clive finally gets his hearing aid—yippie!—and now Tanisha expects him to step up. He casually mentions how he got written up at work for some shenanigans in the grocery store aisle. A furious Tanisha decides to test him by pulling a little prank. She tells him that she is pregnant. He replies like any man would: “Wow.” And then he starts drinking. Tanisha goes out with her friend Sean to run some errands while Clive remains at home drinking.

Tanisha and Sean return to the home front. Clive is (surprise, surprise) drunk. But he’s a happy drunk, and he dances around while talking nonsense. Tanisha finally admits that she’s not pregnant and gives him a pair of earrings that she bought for him while she was out with Sean. Tanisha puts Clive to bed and then goes out with Sean to get her weave done.

While Tanisha is at the salon, Clive gets sick. Poor boy can’t even make it to the bathroom. He simply lifts his head and pukes on the side of the bed, and then passes out again. Tanisha returns home with a beautiful fresh weave, and tries to wake Clive up. But the man is out cold! And then poor Tanisha, bless her heart, falls off the side of the bed into the . . . well, you do not need to hear me say it. You get the picture. She starts freaking out and Clive finally wakes up and, instead of helping Tanisha, walks to the bathroom where he spews in the sink. It is at this point that the Tanisha we know from Bad Girls Club Season 2 returns. Oh, Tanisha is going to pop off. Sound an alarm! She starts screaming and crying because the vomit is in her expensive new hair. Yeah, I’d be pissed too. Clive passes out again and Tanisha calms down a bit. She admits that she’s somewhat responsible because she’s the one who lied about being pregnant. So they’re even, I guess.

Tanisha wakes up Clive hours later because it’s time to pick out their wedding registry. Clive has little memory of his one man frat party, but he’s proud of it! Tanisha explodes again. She informs us that, “behind every black woman is a stupid ass black man.” But, she’s excited to pick out presents so she’ll put this behind them for now. They go to Bed, Bath, & Beyond where Tanisha scans EVERYTHING in the store. I’m exaggerating only slightly.

After picking out her wedding registry, Tanisha invites her bridesmaids over to discuss her upcoming nuptials. We already know Arkeen, Flo, and Keisha, but we also meet her besties La and Bella. Tanisha has news for them: she’s skipping out on a wedding planner because it costs too much money. So now they are all going to have to help her plan the wedding. Lucky them! As you can imagine, they are none too happy. I hope she at least buys them tasty snacks!

The girls all leave, so Tanisha does what she always seems to do: wake up Clive. As he stirs in his sleep, she opens up his laptop where she finds an open tab for a dating website with Clive’s profile. Yeah, I’d say that’s a problem. Tanisha tells us that they did break up briefly over the summer while she was out in LA but they’d since patched things up. So why does he have an ACTIVE dating profile???

Tanisha reacts as any engaged woman would react, she starts smashing Clive with a pillow. She won’t hit him because she doesn’t want to go to jail. Smart girl. He can’t understand why she’s so upset. In fact, he acts like HE is the one wronged. He announces he needs to go to work. Oh no he didn’t!

Pots and pans Tanisha is on her way back. Clive—beware!

Till next week—


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