Lindsay on The Glee Project 103
When I saw that this week’s theme was ‘vulnerability’ I got really scared. It's hard for me to open up about the dark things in my life, and sometimes I just bubble over and break. I call it my emotional dam. I knew it was going to be hard, and I didn't know what to expect from the challenges ahead.
See more photos from the episode here.
Shooting the music video for “Mad World” was completely different from shooting “Firework” and “We're Not Gonna Take It” because instead of trying to throw out all of our individuality for the camera, we had to strip ourselves down to reveal some really hard stuff. It was so frightening. I have a pit in my stomach just blogging about it.
The hardest thing this week was digging up the pain I had been suppressing in my heart for three years. It hit me this week how badly I missed my family and that really added to my heavy emotions.
Walking around Universal City Walk with a sign that said "FAKE" was really difficult. I chose the word "fake" because I have put on a mask for a long time to hide the pain. I have taught myself to slap enthusiasm and smiles on myself to hide the fact that I'm hurting and a bit broken. After my ex hurt me, any other pain in my life just stacked upon the pain he dealt me, and I still deal with that specific pain. It will fade in time, but I won't ever forget it. Bringing it up was so difficult because it was like re-opening a wound I had convinced myself (lied to myself) had healed. I hadn't. I'm still healing.
This week I learned that I can be hurting and let that help others see that it's okay to hurt. It's okay to get the pain out so that you can move forward in life. I also learned that when it comes to acting in front of a camera, sometimes less is more. Dot really helped us remember that it's okay to be human, and that sometimes the hurt you carry can help other people know they aren't alone. I think we all learned that our insecurities aren't necessarily bad things, but they are what connects us to others. They can be inspirational. I hope people saw what we did and were inspired to accept themselves or to seek help for any pain they were feeling, or even to just be aware that they weren't the only ones struggling.
I was pretty shocked that Emily had to go home. She said her last chance performance went so well, and I could honestly see her in the top three. She was (and is) a fantastic performer and a hard worker. She really bared herself this week and did what the mentors asked of her. I still don't quite understand why she went home.
See what Emily had to say about being eliminated here.