Pop Culture

How To Day Drink Like An Adult

Your guide to having an amazingly drunken and grown-up summer.

It’s day drinking season, baby! Why enjoy all that nature has to offer with your wits about you, when you can waste it - along with your insides - by guzzling poison? Because it makes you louder and more fun, of course! Summer is filled with a lot of bad: humidity, men wearing shorts with lobsters on them, hot garbage. Sometimes, drinking makes these things better. Day drinking is summer’s favorite activity; it makes boat bars more palatable, it makes peeing in the ocean seem kinda fun, and it makes you fall asleep on a Saturday at 9pm. But there are ways you can go about it that make the experience better for you and everyone around you. After all, we’re all adults here—gone are the days of college yore where you can sit around drinking Bacardi 151 mixed with Fanta and call it a cocktail. Here are my tips to get the most out of day drinking:

1. Drink The Right Cocktails

This is summer day drinking. You should be drinking delicious, fruity, summery cocktails with flowers and pineapples and strawberries and little umbrellas poking out of them. The more fruit garnishes the merrier. The slushier the better. Anybody who puffs up their chest and says they only drink whiskey because whiskey is tough should be flushed down the toilet. Whiskey is good, but it also tastes like diesel fuel. And drinking fuel-like beverages doesn’t make you stronger or cooler than anybody else. In fact, admitting that sugary, pink alcoholic drinks are delicious makes you RIGHT and BETTER. Because they are. It’s summer! Drink wine slushies, pink lemonade with fresh raspberries and vodka, piña coladas, sangria, and negronis. Don’t drink boring drinks when it’s hot out.

2. Dress For The Occasion

Obviously you should wear what you want, whenever you want. But if you’re day drinking, you don’t have to wear the same uncomfortable things you wear when you’re hitting the club or going out at night. Keep those cute little black dresses and tight white shorts in the closet. You can look like you rolled out of bed and be just fine here. So wear sneakers and a t-shirt. Wear a baseball cap. Do that whole athleisure trend with Adidas and sports bras and whatever. It feels SO AMAZING to be casual and comfortable while drinking. You can enter dirty bathrooms covered in an inch of sewege water, and not feel like you are ruining your shoes. You can sit on benches with shorts you don’t care about and not worry if they are dirty. You can run away when the bar gets boring in your sneakers! It is amazing. Dress casual.

3. Eat Food, You Dope

Why would I ever have to tell someone to eat??? Because if you are day drinking, you need to have lunch so you don’t go full sophomore year and start vomiting at 4pm. You are an adult who needs sustenance and doesn’t need to act a fool during the daylight hours. Wake up in the morning and eat a good breakfast. This isn’t rocket science--you are about to pour ethanol into your stomach and you need to prepare for it. So eat some eggs! And when lunchtime rolls around, eat lunch! Day drinking summer food is amongst the best--think tacos or lobster rolls, chips and guacamole, fried pickles, grilled burgers, corn on the cob, and other things that are somehow more delicious during the summer. Find it. Eat it. Commence drinking.

4. Pace Yourself

Again, you are an adult who pays for their own health insurance. You are not at the point in your life where it’s cute to start drunk dialing your parents before most people are sitting down to eat dinner. Drink seltzer (or regular) water in-between drinks! Don’t do shots. Watch your alcohol intake. Keep yourself hydrated (and wear SPF if you’re outside). You don’t need to wake up the next morning with a broken phone or a huge headache; you can drink responsibly, have fun, and not wake up with a headache the size of your last sangria.

5. Go Home Early!

For me, day drinking five years ago meant I would start at 3pm and end at midnight. Not any longer - I have stuff to do the next day! I have to go to the gym and the grocery store, and catch up on all the stuff I’ve DVR’d! So start drinking early and end the night early. Go home in time for dinner. Order up some delicious takeout, wash your face, drink a gigantic glass of water (or two), put your feet up, and spend the rest of the night texting all your friends how tired you are. Go to sleep, pop an Advil, and wake up refreshed! Summer fun accomplished! Hangover minimal!

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