It’s almost spring, which means it’s time to take that expensive winter coat you bought this year and shove it into a bin -- never to be seen again! Awesome! So what if you paid over 100 bucks for this heavy coat that wasn’t even useful because the world is melting and all the bees are dead? It’s all fine! It’s going to be 72 degrees this week! And I have this heavy winter COAT I wore only a few times!
Okay. So maybe you aren’t exactly an idiot like me. But if you are entering spring with less cash than you’d like, then there’s no need to spend all your paychecks on new clothing. Spoiler alert: the trend is going to be floral again. It will always be floral, and blush colored skirts, and cream cardigans, like a baby girl on Easter Sunday or a politician’s wife. Nothing is new. So put your wallet away and follow my tips to update your wardrobe entirely for free.
1. . Donate Most Of Your Clothing To Make Room
I know all the terrible clothes you still have in your closet. That one Forever21 club dress you bought when you first moved to the city and thought, for a moment, it might be fun. The ripped tights even though you are no longer on your parent’s health insurance. The stupid hi-lo dress you have because it was trendy. Spend a weekend really looking at your life and your closet-related choices. Ask yourself: where would I wear this outfit? If the answer isn’t to work or to a party but instead something much more complicated, like if I’m going to a specifically garden-themed wedding in the summer of 2006, when I’m one cup-size smaller and only my torso is cold, then give it away. You will feel a lot better, and then you can actually find the outfits that fit you and look nice on you instead of diving face-first into a drawer full of ill-fitting tank tops from a youthful obsession with Pac Sun.
2. . Swap Clothes With Your Friends!
Aren’t friends supposed to be useful in some way? Not just for emotional support or happy hours but for material goods as well? Get them together, put all your rejected clothing in a pile and then everybody can sift through it to take what they like. It sounds exhausting, but it could be fun. Note: this only works if you have rich friends who dress well. Hopefully they won’t notice what you’re dropping into the pile (an old promotional t-shirt, a maxi skirt from that time I forgot I was short, probably a newsboy cap). Don’t tell them they could actually sell their much better clothing at a secondhand shop, but thank them for giving it to you, the person who left their birthday party early because they had to pee and didn’t want to wait on line.
3. . Give Yourself To The Goddess of Spring Growth, Persephone
The Greek Goddess of spring is Persephone. Although I think she currently lives in the Underworld with that fiery-blue haired God from Hercules, she is also commonly known as the bringer of vegetation and the promise of a beautiful, fruitful spring. Just a suggestion: if you start to worship her and her mother, Demeter, the goddess of the harvest, you probably won’t need to wear some flimsy pale yellow dress to represent spring. You’ll probably become one with spring, prancing about wearing only moss and bras made out of hulled-out pomegranates and makeshift horns made out of twigs. People will Pinterest you for their mason jar farm weddings. Don’t get inspiration from spring, become it. I don’t know. I’m re-watching that season of True Blood with the Maenad. This seems fitting.
4. . Forget Seasonal Clothing And Wear Everything All The Time
I have a tiny bin where I put all the spring and summer clothing I can’t wear because they are bright neon or something. But every year, I see some fashion article about how summery colors are now in style for winter (pastels are everywhere, and I mostly hate it!), or how to wear your fall clothes in the spring, or how to wear a POP of color when it’s cold out. Think of that. How many times in your life have you been exposed to reading the phrase POP OF COLOR?! So just give in and do it. Wear a neon t-shirt underneath a sweater. Wear your summery floral dress with tights and a jacket. Will this look mismatched and kind of dumb? It totally might! But now you won’t have a useless sack of clothes underneath your bed in a plastic bin! And that is probably good!
5. . Or, Just Wear Black And Neutrals Forever
If you start only wearing black clothing, like I have been doing for years, nobody will know that your clothes aren’t new. They’ll just think you are a gothic professional, like me. I’m a businesswoman on the streets and a Dracula, also on the streets. Still, having a few neutral, well-fitted t-shirts along with jeans, black pants, and cardigans and jackets create a million different combos. All you need to change it up is a hat or a necklace or something. It’s fashionable, cool, and easy. Nobody’s going to pinpoint if you wore black pants and a tan shirt to dinner last week, or if the shirt was cream! Voila! Easy new cartoon character wardrobe, and you'll never fill up your closet again with trendy things you'll eventually hate.