The 5 Stages Of Listening To Lana Del Rey's New Album, 'Honeymoon'
Because you need more melancholy in your life.
Lana Del Rey's third masterpiece just came out last week and reviewers are already celebrating the new LP as a masterpiece. Lana hasn't strayed too far from her roots as the Queen of the Sad Girls, and Honeymoon offers 14 tracks of pure, unfiltered melancholy. But is there more to the album than moroseness? Here are five other things you'll inevitably feel when you stream Honeymoon for the first time.
So you heard “High By The Beach” a few weeks ago and you're hoping that Honeymoon will be a full on trap anthem. Sex, drugs, ballistic weapons! The first few tracks of Honeymoon certainly don't live up to the weirdly hip-hop inflected breakout single, so you might be waiting a minute before the real attitude kicks in, and the album never gets exactly speedy. But, even the slower starter songs are killer. (That being said, if you want high-energy Lana, check out Saint's remix.)
Ok, you've made it past “High By The Beach." Nothing is really picking up. You get to “The Blackest Day” and suddenly you're in Lars Von Trier ultra-nihilism world. Nothing is good and it never will be again. What does it take for a girl to get some Prozac around here?!
Wait a second, all these songs seem … sincere? Ia Lana going for earnestness now? You don't know how you feel about this yet, do you?
Oh, man. You got to the Nina Simone cover at the end. It has been a journey. Luckily, this ultra-low energy Kill Bill lullaby is a great song to put you to bed. G'nite mama Lana!
There's something relatively cathartic about wallowing in the depths of human world-weariness for over an hour. You can go out and face the day now. Our Lady of Flower crowns has given us new life that not even hoards of 16-year-old Lana mega-fans can take away from you.