Sometimes, when things get stressful in my life, I will say “I need a drink.” As I am over the age of 21, this is perfectly okay to say and do as long as I am not driving a car or walking a puppy. However, after watching an episode of the Bad Girls Club, all I can think is I NEVER need a drink, because these chicks do it more than enough to cover the rest of the world’s population. I need water.
Luckily, when this week’s episode opens up, it is morning, and the girls aren’t drinking… yet. I think. Rocky tells Alicia and Valentina that she didn’t come to the house to be antagonized. I am just impressed that Rocky knows what the word “antagonize” means. You go girl!
Meanwhile, Paula, Stephanie and Jenn go out to lunch where it looks like they are drinking soda. Wise sage Paula continues to council wise a*s Jenn on her temper. She needs to rein it in and just let things be.
Because it is always five o’clock somewhere, Shannon and Rocky go out to do a little day drinking (we all knew this sober period would not last more than two hours.) Warrior Shannon declares that she and her partner in crime are known as “ShanRock.” Oh boy. Speaking of boys, a pair of gay ones approach ShanRock at their table. They love Rock’s boobs and Shan’s shoes. Flattered by the male attention, ShanRock invite them to do body shots. Outside. In the middle of the day. Hell, why not!
The next morning, a shirtless man arrives at the house. We’ve seen this before. As the audience gets ready for a stripper, it turns out nope, he’s just a deliveryman. And today’s he’s delivering the message that the girls are taking a road trip to Savannah! Woohoo!
In Savannah, the girls do what the girls do best. They get drunk! They go to a club where the owner asks them to break into teams and complete a scavenger hunt. Each girl on the winning team will get $100. They screech and squeal like they just won the Showcase Showdown on The Price is Right. Now I am not exactly rolling in the dough, but let’s put this in perspective: $100 can buy you a pair of TOMS shoes and a couple of meals at Applebee’s, not a house. Hell, it probably can’t even buy you a pair of Lucite stripper heels from Ricky’s.
But that doesn’t keep the girls from competing HARD while they dash around Savannah looking for condoms, motor boating strangers, and giving lap dances to clueless men. In the end, the team with Valentina, Shannon, Rocky, and Alicia wins. Congrats! A drunk and celebratory Alicia apologizes to Shannon for holding a grudge. Shannon, who always acts like the world is out to get her, pretends to accept it, but she has her EYE on Alicia.
Everyone is getting along, even Jenn and Rocky. What a pleasant surprise. The next morning they go kayaking, Valentina does not know what this is. Okay then. Afterwards, they go to the beach where they bury Alicia in the sand and give her a sand-penis. Stay classy.
It’s their last night in Savannah, so the girls go to the club. Shannon and Rocky nurse Red Bulls while everyone else gets wasted. The next morning everyone is hung-over but they have to drive back to Atlanta. Shannon, Rocky, Alicia, and Valentina are in one car; Paula, Jenn, and Stephanie in the other.
ShanRock talk and talk and talk in the car, annoying Valentina and Alicia. Everyone arrives home. The next day, ShanRock prepare for battle by going to the gym. It’s them against the world, remember? That night, they all go out to a strip club called Diamonds of Atlanta, except for Stephanie the actual stripper. I guess she doesn’t want the competition?
We knew the peace would not last long, and sure enough an argument breaks out when the bill comes. Shannon wants to split the bill, but the other chicks say that she and Rocky ordered the bottle, and they should pay for it. Who the f*ck knows. Eventually they settle it but the ill will escalates in the limo. Rocky and Jenn start screaming at each other, and then Rocky tosses something at Jenn. And then what do you know? A brawl breaks out.
Jenn and Rocky are both ready for this moment. They continue their fight in the hall. And then, the episode ends.
What will happen next time? Will someone go home? Who??? I need to know!!!!!
Liz Out Loud
Check out a bonus episode from next Tuesday's SO new episode: