Crazed Creep Forces Bag Of Feces Down Woman’s Pants

Woman attacked in New York City by fecal-minded fiend. 

By Benjamin H. Smith

What is this world coming to? Just when you think people couldn't get any sicker, some deranged pervert comes along and sinks to a new low. In the latest race to the bottom, no pun intended, a disturbed man grabbed a young woman on New York’s Upper East Side and tried to shove a bag of excrement down her pants before running off.

The attack occurred in practically broad daylight at 6pm on East 74th Street in Manhattan. Local residents said they recognized the fecal fiend as one of a group of local homeless residents of a nearby park. Oblivious to her assailant, the goon snuck up behind the woman as she stared at her cell phone. A local security camera caught the whole attack. It is unknown whether the feces in the bag was of human or animal origin.  

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