Should You Stay Friends With Your Exes? Here Are The Pros And Cons

The things that annoyed you about your ex will continue to annoy you. 

Even in the stablest of relationships, “EX” marks the spot for potential discord. Staying friends with your exes has its pros and cons. Is it worth it to hang in there and “lesbie friends” with your former flings? Take a look at the yay’s and nay’s below! 

PRO: If you’re thinking about being friends with your ex, you have unfinished business.

The easiest way to get rid of an itch is to scratch it. Whether thoughts about your ex are positive or negative, they’re still thoughts, and they’re significantly more likely to go away by acknowledging them than by giving them the silent treatment. 

CON: You may be hanging on to the past rather than trying to move forward.

Remember the good ol days when you and your boo went to that secret spot behind the bleachers and you just stared at each other for hours? Life was simple and you were in love, right? You’re probably not remembering it right. It’s easy to give a rosy tint to the past, so beware the positive creep of nostalgic reminiscing. Remember how much you used to love Spaghettio’s? Spoiler alert: they’re gross. 

CON: Timing is Everything

You may not be ready. You may never be ready. Your current partner may not be ready. Your current partner may never be ready. Romantic relationships are as nuanced as they get. One woman’s “love at first sight” might be another woman’s “six seasons of Sex In The City where you end up with Mr. Big in the end even though you met him in episode one.” Though a unicorn-sized minority of folks are able to transition directly from hooking-up to hanging-out, especially if the romantic relationship was longstanding and substantial, most of us need some space and time to figure things out. 

PRO: Human connection is rare. Hold on to it when you can. 

The universe can be a cold and lonely place. Just ask planet nine. She’s been trying for millennia to get us to notice here, and we’re only just now acknowledging that may or may not exist. Sometimes the thing that brought you together with someone was more romantic-adjacent than actually romantic. You don’t have to throw out the baby with the bath water. Successful couples have healthy social lives outside of their relationship, and anyone who’s ever online dated knows, it may feel like there are plenty of fish in the sea, but the actual odds of finding one you like are slim. Mmm… this friendship smells a little fishy, am I right? 

CON: If you let someone go and they never come back, then there was probably damn good reason you let go of them in the first place

The way she smacks her lips when she eats. Those f*cking man-sandals. The fact that she never shuts up. The fact that all he wants to talk about is himself. The things that annoyed you about someone will continue to annoy you whether you’re hooking up or not. If you date a musician and don’t like their music, you’re not going to start liking their music just because you broke up. (#PersonalExperience) 

Moral of the story:

Take your exes case by case. Do what makes you happy, and do what makes your partner feel happy. Exes are just people, too. Sure, you’ve seen them naked, but we’re all just little people floating around space on a tiny blue dot. Go slow. Listen to your instincts, and for goodness sake, try not to take any of this too seriously. 

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