For the first time ever, Jessica Simpson has opened up about the sexual abuse she endured for years as a child as well as the substance abuse that followed.
The 39-year-old singer and mother of three details her life – including the trauma she endured and the negative effect fame had on her life – in her upcoming memoir, “Open Book,” PEOPLE reports. In an excerpt published by the outlet on Wednesday, Simpson said that the abuse, which lasted from the time she was six years old until she was in middle school, began when she was “[sharing] a bed with the daughter of a family friend.”
“It would start with tickling my back and then go into things that were extremely uncomfortable,” she wrote.
She went on to say that the fear left her immobilized and that she struggled with feeling like she was the one to blame, writing, according to the outlet, “I wanted to tell my parents. I was the victim but somehow I felt in the wrong.”
The abuse continued until she was 12 years old, when she told her parents, Tina and Joe Simpson, during a car ride, the outlet reports. Her mother reportedly responding by hitting her father’s arm and shouting, “I told you something was happening,” while her father responded with silence.
“Dad kept his eye on the road and said nothing. We never stayed at my parents’ friends' house again but we also didn’t talk about what I had said,” the excerpt reads.
In addition to revealing the childhood trauma she endured, Simpson also opened up about her addiction to pills and alcohol, according to PEOPLE. Although the singer got sober in 2017 and has remained so ever since, the road that led her there was a dangerous one, with Simpson writing that her substance abuse issues led her doctor to, at one point, warn her that her actions could one day kill her, the outlet reports.
“I was killing myself with all the drinking and pills,” reads Simpson’s memoir. She went on to explain that she’s been sober since November 2017, and says of the decision, “Giving up the alcohol was easy. I was mad at that bottle. At how it allowed me to stay complacent and numb.”
Change came for Simpson following a Halloween party in 2017, when she realized that she “[needed] to stop,” the singer writes.
“Something’s got to stop,” she continued. “And if it’s the alcohol that’s doing this, and making things worse, then I quit.”
With the help of her loved ones, doctors, and therapists — the latter of which she visits twice a week — Simpson has maintained her sobriety since that day, the outlet reports.
“Open Book” is scheduled to hit shelves on February 4, according to her publisher. To accompany the book — which in addition to covering the painful parts of her life, will also discuss her three-year marriage to fellow pop star Nick Lachey — Simpson will also be releasing six new songs, per PEOPLE’s report.
Simpson currently owns a billion-dollar company selling clothing, accessories, and other items, and shares three children with her husband of six years, former NFL tight-end Eric Johnson.
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