Mel B says she once tried to end her own life by swallowing nearly 200 painkillers.
The singer and “America’s Got Talent” judge is telling her story in her upcoming memoir, “Brutally Honest.” Among the book’s biggest bombshells is the reveal of a December 2014 suicide attempt, during which Mel B swallowed more than 150 aspirin after having dinner with her then-husband, Stephen Belafonte, according to an excerpt published by The Sun.
“As each pill goes into my mouth, I ask myself: ‘Are you sure?’ And I take another one. Ten, 20, 50, 100. ‘Are you sure?’” the excerpt reads.
Her life at the time was a “mess” and she “wanted out,” according to The Sun.
“Behind the glitter of fame, I felt emotionally battered, estranged from my family,” she wrote. “I felt ugly and detested by the very man who once promised to love and protect me, my husband and manager Stephen. A man who after ten years of marriage now had a library of sex tapes that could — as we both well knew — ruin my career and destroy my family.”
It wasn’t until she got to pill number 200 that she had an epiphany and realized that she didn’t want to die.
“As soon as I’d swallowed that last pill, I knew I didn’t want to go anywhere. ‘Melanie! What the f--k are you doing? Get a grip!’” she wrote. “Suicide was not the answer. I had to make my life count. I had to get to a hospital. I had to get those pills out of my stomach before anything happened.”
Mel B forced her way through the jammed bathroom door in a quest to get help, but collapsed on the floor, “drifting in and out of consciousness, [waiting] to die,” she wrote. When she woke up in the hospital, she had to face her oldest daughter Phoenix, who, she explained, was “furious, shaking, full of rage,” and asking, “Why, Mum? Why? Why?” The confrontation with her daughter was the “saddest moment” of her life, she wrote.
Mel B was hospitalized for severe kidney and liver damage, but appeared on “The X Factor” the following day, her bruises visible, in order to send a message “to the world and to [her] husband,” she wrote.
“I’m going to leave him, get a divorce. I’m going to be free,” she continued.
The attempt was not the first time the singer, born Melanie Brown, tried to take her own life; she attempted suicide for the first time at the age of 14, according to The Sun.
Following a court battle where sex tapes and abuse allegations made headlines, Mel B and Belafonte settled their divorce in August.
“Brutally Honest” is scheduled to hit shelves on Nov. 27.
[Photo: Getty Images]
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