A New York City nutritionist was found dead in her apartment Wednesday after penning a heart-wrenching suicide note on her website, writing, “I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment.”
Tara Condell, 27, a native of San Francisco, also apologized to her mother before signing off in the post she had titled “I Hate The Word ‘Bye’ But See You Later, Maybe?”
Police said she hung herself and was found dead with a cloth wrapped around her neck, according to the New York Post.
Police discovered the body after her co-workers became concerned when she didn’t show up for work Wednesday at Top Balance Nutrition and saw the post on her website.
“I have written this note several times in my head for over a decade, and this one finally feels right. No edits, no overthinking,” she wrote. “I have accepted hope is nothing more than delayed disappointment, and I am just plain old-fashioned tired of feeling tired.”
Condell went on to say that although her life appears truly great on paper — she noted she was able to eat incredible meals and travel freely — there was also a darker side to her world.
“I often felt detached while in a room full of my favorite people; I also felt absolutely nothing during what should have been the happiest and darkest times of my life,” she wrote.
The nutritionist, who got her start in the field after discovering the importance of nutrition while serving as the sole caretaker for a critically ill parent, went on to recount many of the things she’d miss, including New York Times crossword puzzles, authentic street tacos, and Cal-Italian cuisine.
“I’m also going to miss unexpected hugs. Al Green’s Simply Beautiful. Cherries in July. Tracing a sleeping eyebrow. Smoking cigarettes. The Golden Gate Bridge at sunset,” she wrote.
Condell asked that her death be accepted without much fanfare.
“No GoFundMes, no funeral, no tributes, no doing-too-much please,” she said. “All I ask now is for you to have one delicious (I mean a really really great) meal in my honor and let me go, no exceptions.”
At the letter’s close, she wrote it's time for her to "selfishly be happy" and hopes those who knew her are able to understand that.
“I am coming home, Dad. Make some room up on that cloud and turn the Motown up,” she said, before concluding, “I’m really sorry mama.”
A bio of the registered dietitian on the Top Balance Nutrition website where she worked described her as a specialist in general nutrition, weight management, gastrointestinal disease, and geriatric health.
The job allowed her to combine many of her favorite things in life including food, helping people, and science.
Condell reportedly left a second note in the living room of her apartment, The Post reports.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) to speak with someone confidentially and for free, or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com for a list of other resources.
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