Confession: I am single. I just got back from a visit from my mother who was all, when are you going to meet someone? I want grandchildren! And I thought to myself, it would be so much fun to fall in love, to plan a wedding, to share a life with someone . . . . And then I started watching the latest episode of Tanisha Gets Married and I thought, eh, love can wait.
We begin the latest episode with a pretty epic fight. Tanisha and Clive continue the argument from last week, which was basically a matter of simple math: Tanisha says they’ve been together seven years, Clive says six. He says the first year she was hooking up with someone else. Tanisha denies this. All she can hear is that he is calling her a ho! So Tanisha calls off the wedding, gives him back the ring, and calls her friend Sean to pick her up.
At this point we learn that Sean has always been there for her and that he’s been Tanisha’s “rock” for years. Smells like trouble to me. Meanwhile, Clive calls his friend Z (yup) who tells Clive he needs to fight for his woman. Because he is such a romantic, Clive stops at a bodega to pick up flowers and wings to get Tanisha back. He returns to their house bearing gifts, and Tanisha at first ignores him. But clearly the way to Tanisha’s heart is through her stomach because they make up. Tanisha suggests they go to therapy together because they are, uh, getting MARRIED in two weeks!
But first—they have to go a tasting at the Thatched Cottage, the venue where their wedding will take place. We had met Maureen and company earlier this season, and they assured her that they could make her mac and cheese. And on this visit, Maureen and company do not disappoint. They first bring out sushi. Tanisha is apprehensive because sushi is not really the Flatbush cuisine of choice, but it turns out that it is FRIED CHICKEN sushi! Well, then, sign Tanisha up. I have to say between the fried chicken sushi, the fried chicken lollipops and the mac and cheese, I’m pretty bummed I didn’t score an invite to this wedding.
After the success of the tasting, it is time for couple’s counseling! Tanisha and Clive meet with Dr. Pizzulli, who zeroes in on Tanisha’s anger immediately. Dr. P realizes that Tanisha needs to relinquish control sometimes. But that’s just the beginning because Clive brings up Sean. He resents that Tanisha puts him first, and that he wouldn’t be surprised if something was happening between them. Tanisha is shocked because he had never mentioned this before (which I found pretty surprising.) Dr. P observes that Tanisha and Clive love each other very much, but they are bad at communicating. You don’t say!
The next day, after Tanisha has cooled off a bit, she returns to Dr. P’s office by herself. We very quickly get to the root of her issues: when she was five her babysitter’s teenage daughter made her fistfight her friends. Whaaaaa??? It’s a pretty big bombshell but also a big insight into not only Tanisha and Clive’s relationship issues, but Tanisha’s anger management issues.
Tanisha goes back to the house where Clive is asleep. She apologizes for her questionable behavior and they decide to get married again. Phew. I was really worried that we were going to need to change the name of the show to Tanisha Eats Cake While Crying on What Should Have Been Her Wedding Day.
That night, Tanisha, Clive, Arkeen, and Darnell all go out to the club. They meet some of Clive’s friends there, including Nicole, who Tanisha had managed to alienate. In her new mission of love and acceptance, Tanisha steps up and apologizes to Nicole. Nicole is all, I didn’t even know we had a beef! Missions accomplished!
The next day is fantasy land in Tanisha’s world: cake-tasting day! They go to some hipster place which is so out of line with who Tanisha is that I am not surprised when the chick is all, we can’t do anything blingy for you, because your wedding is just two weeks away. Tanisha isn’t having it, so she visits a place called Cake Ambiance, run by a family friend named Jude who promises her the moon. Tanisha and Clive sample a red velvet cheesecake and they are so enthralled that I think they should eat this every day of their married life to keep them happy.
Tanisha’s Cloud 9 is popped, however, when Natalie calls. She starts bitching about Flo, who apparently threatened her on Twitter or Facebook or something really dangerous like that. Yup, we’ve progressed so much. Tanisha is furious that they are ruining her cake day, and then Clive turns his attention to Sean. Tanisha asks if he is still going to be a groomsman, and Clive starts whining that Sean never texts or calls him. So Clive decides to call Sean, and Tanisha is sweating bullets. He gets Sean’s voicemail, and leaves a message saying that Sean can have Tanisha. Oh no he didn’t!
So maybe we will be calling the show Tanisha Eats Cake While Crying on What Should Have Been Her Wedding Day after all!
Till next week—
Liz Out Loud