My energy had just felt depleted lately.

By permanenteditor
I was so proud of Dean when he was offered the movie Santa Baby 2 alongside the beautiful and talented Jenny McCarthy. In fact the viewers got to see the behind-the-scenes making of that movie on last season's T&D when he filmed in Calgary and then the kids and I surprised him. Now, the movie was finally premiering and Dean had to go to NYC to do press. Dean and I always support each others’ careers and try to be by each others’ side whenever possible. With 2 kids and now that Liam is on a semi regular schedule with pre-school, that's not always possible. So I was sad to not go and proudly stand on the sidelines and watch my man do press but we thought it was the right thing for me and the babes to stay home.

Now, as long as I can remember, my Gubby aka Gusband aka Mehran aka Mehi has always slept over when I'm alone. This dates back to when I was 22 years old and my roommate was out of town. I'm a scaredy cat! Can't stay alone at night. But its become a tradition with Mehran and me. We like tradition...and well, I'm still a scaredy cat! But, he never fails me. I call and tell him Dean has to go out of town and he always comes over. What I love about him is that he not only is always there for me, but actually loves spending time with and taking care of the kids! It’s really cute to watch. He's so paternal although he'd never admit to it!

When Dean got to NYC it was important to me that we show our support! Dean has celiac disease which means he has to eat gluten-free. It’s been a hard adjustment, but being the researcher I am, I always try to find yummy gluten-free products for him. I googled gluten-free bakery in NYC and found one and they had red velvet! Score! I ordered Dean some gluten-free cupcakes to be delivered to his hotel from the kids.

Through pics, Twitter, Facebook, and watching him on The Today Show, I got to follow his press tour. It wasn't quite the same as being there in person but I still got to be his #1 fan and not have to face the freezing NYC weather. The kids LOVED seeing him on The Today Show. And, I LOVED his chic cardigan!

While the cat's away the mice—er—the gusband and his wifey shall play! Mehran and I for years have been notorious for being die-hard horror flick fans! We watch them together and then somehow enjoy getting each other worked up and borderline creeped out! Mehi always gets me going and then falls asleep during our sleepovers and then I'm left terrified hearing every little creak in the house! But, this time he riled me up about cold spots in Stella's room. Then Liam was going on about "the man" that visits him! WHAT?!? Mehran and I started panicking about spirits in the house! Plus, my energy had just felt depleted lately. Whether from being physically overworked, emotionally overworked, just repressing emotions since my Uncle Danny's death, and the tension between me and Dean, I was energetically OFF. These 2 combos meant 1 thing...enter Mama Lola!

Short run-down in case you never saw my show "so noTORIous" where Whoopi Goldberg played a version of Mama Lola or read my book "sTORI telling"... Mama Lola is an amazing High Voodoo Priestess in NYC that I went to in 2005 when I believed I had an evil eye on me (don't ask...). She did a bad and then good cleansing bath on me, and the next day I met Dean! No joke. I always say she changed my life! And, Dean is of course thankful for her too. Now, I needed her help again. It was fate...when I called she was in LA! She does work on both coasts. This was a sign...I take everything as a sign, and I asked her to come to the house. Let the cleansing BEGIN!

She arrived with Zaar, a healer, and we began the process. They blessed the house and cleansed me! All while Mehi watched in glee! But we believe! And sometimes in life people often forget that we have to BELIEVE! Mama Lola can do the cleanse but even she will say you have to BELIEVE in yourself to make the change. Change and healing comes from within! I was ready to try. She did say Dean and I needed more romantic time together. She was right. I knew that. Couples get together and vow they'll never change but inevitably life happens. Kids happen. I wouldn't change a thing. That's the evolution of a relationship. Growth and expansion. But I wish the communication that I vowed to never lose sight of when we met had stayed intact. Instead we became parents, and our focus shifted. And somehow that communication fell by the wayside. In theory I know that, but sometimes realization and action don't go hand in hand. We need to work on that. But I knew Dean would be home soon, and I was excited to start!

When Dean got home we were all super excited! He brought back adorable gifts for the kids and some snacks. Great clothes for Stella! We bumped heads a bit. Parenting differences. And I know that's bound to happen. But it’s hard to sometimes get and stay on the same page. Happens to all couples and families I imagine. When you fall in love with your soulmate you are thinking about the 2 of you! It doesn't occur to you that in years to come you'll become parents, and suddenly sharing the love of albacore belly sushi, hot sake, and listening to Rascal Flats and exclaiming "God Bless the Broken Road" was written for us won't matter. What will suddenly come up is that one of you is bad cop and one is good cop. The kids soon realize that and play off that. One feels guilty and gasps at every tumble and one has the carefree "he/she" is fine attitude. Ok, if you couldn't tell...I'm the gasper!

I do believe that men and women are different though in their attitude towards their kids. We both love them just as much as the other but something deeper emotionally went on inside of us moms for 9 months that men just can't relate too. As moms we bonded with the being growing inside of us. We promised to nurture and take care of them to our fullest capability. Its like an unspoken vow between you and your fetus! Once out of our belly you can't seem to protect them the same way. Life takes over and it’s scary! I'm trying to accept that and BELIEVE, but I'm still overprotective. I do worry about everything. Maybe too much but its my job. And, I'll probably never stop worrying about them. Dads seem to worry less. That's their job. To help us find the balance. Women worry. Men try to fix. Together though...we make a pretty great team.

And then there's our 3rd child together...motorcycle(s). I have to accept responsibility on some level. After all, Dean gave up motorcycle riding for years and in a turn of stupidity, aka whipped chick syndrome, I chose to be "the cool wife" and rent him a motorcycle. Most women have 9 months to incubate and prepare for the arrival of a baby. Not in this case...1 week later we became proud parents to a motorcycle obsession. Still working on that one. A hobby obsession happens quickly and goes away NOT so quickly. Again, realization and action—two different words.

Speaking of realization, I happened upon our "T&D life-to-do-list" that Dean and I wrote on airsick bags on flight home from Ottawa after we fell madly in love. We hadn't looked at them in years. Dean and I went over them together and wow what a list! A list of great dreams! Some obtainable...going to Maui together. Some not so much...biking with Lance Armstrong (Lance if you happen to read my blog on Oxygen, Dean would love to ride with you. And me? Well I' to watch Dean ride with you. Or perhaps I can wait back at the house and whip up some refreshing elderflower lemonade and mini kobe beef and gruyere sliders! Call us!). The bags were a reminder of what we already changes. Reality steps in (no pun intended). We can still have dreams and goals, but as a family now. Life does change, but for the better, as you grow and learn together. We are blessed! Even if we do have a few cold spots in the house!

Watch a video of Tori and Mehran going through memories here.
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